Definition Essay * Concept Paper

What Friendship Is

“Our friendship is forever.” said a girl when we were elementary school students. Although more than 10 years have passed since then, we have been best friends even until now. On the other hand, when I was a junior high school student, I had a friend whom I hung around with almost everyday for 3 years. I thought that we were good friends. However, at the end of the junior high school days, she bullied me. “I have never thought that you and I are good friends.” She said to me. I spent much time with both of them and I thought both of them were friends. It is difficult to define the concept of friendship because it depends on each person. Yet, all friends have friendship with each other. Friendship is a strong mutual desire to have interaction between two people and it can be stronger or weaker.

It is different between acquaintances, just people I know, and friends. Friends greet each other and so do acquaintances. However, I don’t share my private time with acquaintances. I talk with them only when I come across them. I have contact with them if it is necessary. However, I don’t feel that I want to talk with them especially. They and I share our social relationships but not individual relationships. So, there are no necessities to have contact with them in my private life. Besides, there are rules that all people have to keep in social relationships. That is, to have communication in social relationships is based on obligation and responsibility. These relationships may not include friendship at all. There may be people who are friendly in society, such as shop clerks or doctors. They have some particular purposes or roles to be friendly in each social relationship. Yet, to be friends and to be friendly is whole different story. In ordinary social relationships, outside of my private time, one person can be replaced by other people. Roles or rules are more important than the person’s individual identity.

On the other hand, friends share their private time. They have a feeling: friendship connects a person and a person as friends. As I mentioned above, friendship is a strong mutual desire to have interaction. To be friends, it is necessary to have this feeling with each other. They may share their time in society, such as school, committees, and club activities. Moreover, friends want to keep in touch during their private time too. For example, one of my best friends was a transfer student when I was an elementary student. We didn’t talk much at first. We talked when we had to do some activities in classes. However, we started to play and go shopping together soon. She often came to my home and I went to her home too. We told our secrets with each other. Sometimes we had big arguments. There was a strong desire to talk, hang out, and play together in friendship. It is important that friendship is not a one-way feeling. It should be an interactive one. Nobody would be forced to have such a desire, but naturally, friends have this feeling. Friends help each other and share not only pleasure but also pain.

Friendship has a wide range and it is deep. There is a process of being “best friends” from “just friends” through “good friends” in friendship. That is, friendship is not just a feeling that friends share but also it can be stronger or weaker. It changes in its depth and degree of intensity. I think friends evaluate some specific personalities which show up remarkably at first. By doing this, they try to get to know each other.
First, actually, they have roles even in their private lives like acquaintances do, but this is a natural thing, not a duty. I call this level of friendship as “just friends.” For example, at first, I often talked about romantic topics to one of my best friend, yet I didn’t talk about my philosophy to her because I knew she had a lot of interest in romantic relationships but she didn’t have any interest in philosophical or psychological stuff. In those days, we didn’t have an argument at all, because we were not sure how to manage our conflicts yet. This level can be a hollow friendship. Thus, I dealt different stories to different friends. Moreover, at this level, I had other friends to whom I could discuss the same kinds of topics. In other words, relationships between “just friends” change at different times and situations. So, sometimes “just friends” can be replaceable.
Gradually, friends get to know each other and they are likely to spend more time together. I call this level of friendship as “good friends.” She and I were always together. We started to talk about our personal things more than before. I felt that I want to know her more and to want her to know me more. Then, our friendship became deeper little by little.

Finally, “good friends” would develop into a steady friendship. I call this level of friendship as “best friends.” Best friends evaluate each other relatively and look at the person himself or herself as a whole. For example, my best friend doesn’t like studying and she prefers staying in her hometown her whole life, while I left my hometown to study at the university. In other words, her personality is almost opposite from mine. However, we don’t care about those differences. I can talk about anything, even if it is about my homework, and she can listen to it. In addition, she can talk about her fickle boyfriend and I can listen to it even though I don’t know who he is. I consider his existence as a part of her. I have a confidence that she is trustworthy even if there is no physical evidence. Although we have lived in different prefectures for a long time, it doesn’t matter at all. Our life styles are completely different whereas we share our pleasure and pain quite often. Her existence is irreplaceable. It doesn’t change all the time.

Friendship between best friends may seem to be same as the feeling, which people have in a romantic relationship. However, it is not the same at all. Then, what are the differences between best friends and romantic partners? Romantic relationships include sexual contact and it sometimes breaks up easily. Besides, the biggest difference between them is that it’s not always necessary for romantic partners to spend much time together to get to know each other before they go out. For example, when two people fall in love with each other at first sight, then they can be boy friend and girl friend right away. However, it doesn’t happen in the case of becoming best friends. It is absolutely important and essential to spend much time together to be best friends. Otherwise, they can’t evaluate each other relatively and totally. It is difficult to be best friends but once they have such a relationship, it doesn’t break up easily.

Only friends have friendship. Friendship is a strong mutual desire to interact between two people and it can be stronger or can be also weaker. It is not an obligatory and responsible feeling. Friends willingly have friendship with each other. They can make it stronger or weaker. In addition, deep friendship is not same as love relationships. The concept of friendship is different in different people. However, as long as they have friends, friendship exists there. Many people may think that their spouses will be their whole life partner. However, friends who are connected by strong friendship could be the most important partners in life.